High Stakes Conversations – Be Prepared with Curiosity

by Lezlee Hatch | Sept 2025

How are you at giving and receiving critical feedback? It is easy for an employment issue to escalate quickly when there is a lack of clear and constructive communication. Often the tendency is to avoid hard conversations in an effort to maintain harmony, however this rarely resolves the issues without adding frustration or resentment for all involved. Navigating the crucial conversations successfully takes skill, preparation and some would say… curiosity.

Crucial or high-stakes conversations are typically defined as a discussion between two or more people where stakes are high, opinions vary and emotions run strong. Examples may be performance reviews, negotiations, employee discipline or providing negative feedback. Diving into these discussions without the proper mental preparation can prove to be costly! Our thought processes may become overly focused on our own perspective or priorities, limiting the ability to discover new and relevant information as well as stifling the ability to collaborate well.

According to Jeff Wetzler in a recent Harvard Business Review article, one way to combat this is preparing for high stakes conversations utilizing a “curiosity check”: a brief but systematic assessment of your openness to vital new information. He believes this form of mental readiness can significantly improve your effectiveness in high-stake conversations.

He also developed what he calls The Curiosity Curve. This was inspired by a model from the nonprofit organization Braver Angels and can help you become aware of your initial mindset walking into a high-stakes conversation. Mr. Wetzler relates this to a pre-flight checklist a pilot may go through prior to preparing for take-off.

This graphic displays his version of The Curiosity Curve dividing attitudes into zones of certainty or curiosity.

The article recommends being brutally honest with yourself as to where you are on the curve as you jump into a disagreement or emotionally charged discussion. What impact may this have on the conversation and the outcome? Reviewing your mindset as well as setting your intention upfront with the end in mind, may help you be a curious learner regarding the situational elements you had not considered prior. This may lead to asking yourself “Curiosity Sparks”, simple questions to help shift your mindset. The author suggested the following five such questions:

• What might the other person be struggling with that I’m unaware of?

• What good (but unspoken) concerns, reasons, or information might underlie their disagreement with me?

• How might my words or actions be impacting them in ways I don’t intend?

• What incorrect assumptions might I be making about the situation, issue, or other person? Even if my assumptions are correct, what else might be going on that I’m unaware of?

• What unspoken insights or ideas might the other person have that could address our challenge?

He also suggested working through these questions and answers with a trusted friend, colleague, mentor (such as your ImpactHR Group Consultant) or even an AI bot to help set the stage for self-awareness and mindset shifts. What an interesting use of AI!

“In a world where information is abundant but insight remains scarce, curiosity may be the ultimate competitive advantage. If you wouldn’t fly on a plane that hadn’t had a preflight check, why head into a high-stakes conversation without first checking your most vital mindset: curiosity? The question isn’t whether you’ll face disagreement and pushback in your next high-stakes conversation—it’s whether you’ll be mentally prepared to transform that into insight and constructive action.” (Jeff Wetzler, Harvard Business Review, The Right Way to Prepare for a High-Stakes Conversation, July 2025.)

Taking a moment to pre-assess your curiosity using the tools described above may provide a much more pleasant experience for both yourself and the other participants. We at Impact HR Group are happy to assist with coaching for more successful crucial conversations and feedback.